Chapter 16: Broken, ties to the Curse.

She wasn’t crying as much now; so slowly I spoke up again, “Come on, I should take you to the 4th division for treatment.” I told her taking hold of her arm. “No!” She yelled freeing her arm from my hold.

“What?” I asked.

“I will not go there. I…I shouldn’t be saved. Because of me, you and Hinamori…could have been…!” She started to say.

She couldn’t blame herself for Aizen actions; but she was.

“That was Aizen not you. Do not blame yourself for his actions. That…that isn’t right!” I told her as I shook her. “But…” She tried to say. “No! I will not hear another word of it!”

Don’t hurt yourself like this…

Please…

“Toushirou…?” She asked me out of nowhere. “Do you love momo-chan?” I didn’t know how to answer her; because I had never thought of Hinamori that way before. “I…I thought.” I started to say but quickly stopped. “I thought I did…” I shook my head.

That wasn’t true.

“No that’s not it. I…I can’t love Hinamori.” I told her as a deep blush covered my face; she looked puzzled at me. “There’s…There’s another person I love…” I told her.

I couldn’t say anymore than that. I just couldn’t. Just saying that much; felt like too much truly.

“Oh? I hope…that person you love; loves you as well.” She said kindly.

I sighed.

She wouldn’t no matter how much I wished for it.

Baka, I sighed.

“Yeah I hope so too.” I lied.

It would never happen; it was all hopeless the person I cared for; because these feelings would never come into the open no matter what.

It would always be a secret.

How come…you always want something you can’t have? Hmm…what is the word for that?

Ah, yes forbidden.

But…even so, even if that thing is forbidden it…just makes you want it even more.

Yes…much more.

I quickly smiled at her and she slowly smiled back at me. No words were needed at that time. The only thing that was needed was a smile toward each other.

Nothing more.

But…more than anything I want to see her smile much more, much more. If I could I would give her my own happiness; then I would…without a second thought.

I truly would…

I slowly took hold of her hand and helped her up, “Toushirou?” She asked, “Come.” I told her.

“No…I don’t want to go to the 4th Division.”

“You cannot say no, I will not let you.” I told her. “But…”

“If I have too…I will carry you there. But you’re going you like it or not.” I told her as she fought to free her hand from mine. “Fine…you have to be so stubborn don’t you?” I asked her as I quickly took her into my arms. “What?! P-Put me down! R-Right now!” She ordered me.

“No, I will not.” I told her placing one arm behind her back and the other under her legs. “T-Toushirou! S-Stop this!” She cried as a deep blush covered her face.

I quickly grinned, “Well, well what is this I see?” I asked staring down at her face. “W-What?” She asked in confusion. “Hmm…if I didn’t know any better…I would have to say, hime-sama is blushing.”

“N-No, I’m not!” She yelled trying to cover up her face with her hands. “Oh really? I guess…I am wrong then…” I whispered into her ear. “S-Stop it!” She cried as the blush across her face became deeper. “…well if you’re not blushing…I wonder why your face is red?” I asked touching her forehead. “It’s-It’s not! You’re just seeing things!” She cried pushing my hand away.

Cute…

She doesn’t like to be picked on…does she?

“A-Aren’t you taking me to the 4th division?” She asked as she uncovered her face. “Oh what is this? Now you want to go the 4th division?” I asked her. “I-I never said I wanted too! But I thought…you were…” She started to say. “Hmm…I guess, I should take you there by now.” I told her as I took off running.

I felt her cling to me as I ran. I felt a light blush cover my own face.

Cute…

So cute…

But…I got her to blush; and she looked so cute when she blushes.

Baka, I told myself.

Having thoughts like this wouldn’t help me; no not all. These thoughts would only be in the way; and nothing more.

So…stop having thoughts like this, I told myself. But…I couldn’t stop thoughts like that. They would just keep coming.

Wait…sense when did she start calling me by my first name?

Toushirou…?

Didn’t’ she start calling me by my first name…when I became Captain of the 10th division? Did? Did that mean something? Or was I just thinking too much into it?

Baka…

Yeah, I was thinking too much.

Just because she calls me my first name…that doesn’t mean anything…right? I wondered.

Don’t hope; hope will not help anything.

It was hopeless after all; what I wanted…I-I couldn’t have. It wasn’t’ something I could gain.

It wasn’t…

I sighed.

I can’t stop these feelings; but at the same time I can’t act on them.

I looked down at her face.

You don’t know at all, do you? About these feelings, I have had for so long. This feeling I cannot speak about, but it’s there. It’s always been there.

But I feel it even more…when I am around you. But you didn’t know it, did you?

Would you believe me…if I said, I love you?

No…I’m sure you wouldn’t. But…I do. I do, love you.

Hopeless…it really is…

Soon we came to the 4th division; and we found Captain Unohana waiting outside the division, “Retsu-san?” hime asked. “I thought you would be found shortly.” Unohana told us. “I…”

“If you could please follow me, Captain Hitsugaya. I will start right away to treat, hime-sama.” Unohana said leading the way into the division and down a hallway. I slowly nodded as I followed after her. “That was very dangerous of you, hime-sama. You shouldn’t have gone after Aizen sousuke.” Unohana told her. “I know…but I thought I could stop him.” Hime whispered.

“Couldn’t you tell? His reiatsu feels different doesn’t it?” Unohana asked. “Yes…it-it felt like a hollow’s…” She whispered.

“Hollow?” I asked.

“Yes…”

“…But how can…that?!” I started to ask. “Matters as that we should worry about later right? Right now we need to worry about treating hime-sama. Right, Captain Hitsugaya?” Unohana asked me.

“Right…”

Unohana looked back toward the two. She saw the worried look across the 10th division captain’s face.

They aren’t just rumors…she thought. It appears they are true…the 4th division captain thought.

She lightly smiled.

Soon we entered a room; a bed was seen in the middle of the room “If you could place hime-sama down on the bed, Captain Hitsugaya I will begin her treatment.” Unohana told me. I nodded to her and slowly placed her on the bed.

“Toushirou…” She whispered to me. “…It’s alright. Captain Unohana will take care of you now.” I told her before turning away.

“Toushirou!” She cried taking hold of my hand. “Baka! Don’t call me that in front of …!” I started to yell as I looked toward her. “lease! Please stay!” She cried.

“…Sara.” I whispered to her.

“lease?” She asked.

Something had happened I could tell by her eyes; her eyes looked the same as mine had many years ago.

They reflected…loneness…

“But…”

“It’s no trouble at all, Captain Hitsugaya.” Unohana spoke up. I quickly looked toward her, “you’re more than welcome to stay if you wish.” She told me.

“Alright…I’ll stay…”

I was needed here; I could feel it. Sa-san…needed me by her side, so…I would stay.

“Alright, I’ll begin treatment…” Unohana told me as she stopped beside the bed. “Just try to rest now, hime-sama. You will be alright when you wake up.” She looked toward me; with a worried look across her face. “I’ll be here, when you wake up.” I told her.

She nodded to me before closing her eyes.

I was unneeded by Hinamori…

But…I am needed here so I will stay.

Soon she had fallen asleep; and Unohana started to treat her, “She lost a lot of blood…” Unohana spoke up. “Yeah…she did.” I whispered.

I’m…I’m a cursed hime.

What did…she mean by that? I wondered watching Captain Unohana.

Would she know?

“What is it…Captain Hitsugaya?” She asked me. “Unohana-san…you know a lot about hime-sama right?” I asked. “Hmm…I guess I do. But not everything. No one ever let another see everything about themselves. Everyone always hides something about themselves.” She told me. “…you may even know more about her then, I do…” Unohana told me.

No…that wasn’t true.

I didn’t understand so much.

“No, I don’t. Not at all.” I told her. “What is your question?” She asked. “Do…Do you know why…she would call herself a cursed hime?” I asked. Unohana quickly dropped the tool was she using. “Captain Unohana?” I asked. “…She called herself that…? Out loud?” She asked.

“…Yes.”

“Hmm…she hasn’t called herself that for so long. Her painful memories must have come back.” Unohana sighed as she picked up the tool off the ground.

“What?”

“I guess it doesn’t hurt telling you, but it is as she said she is cursed. She was cursed shortly after she was born.”

Cursed? After she was born?!

“What do you mean? That she was cursed shortly after she was born?” I asked. “I mean what I said. I don’t know all the information behind it but…I believed the spirit king himself placed the curse on her; her father in other words.” Unohana told me.

The spirit king did this?

How…? How could he do something to his own child as this?!

“I don’t really understand the curse myself but there is a poem left behind about the curse. It should answer most questions.”

“…A poem?” I asked.

“Hai. But it is a pretty dark poem let me tell you. Do you still wish to hear it?” Unohana asked me. I nodded to her.

Poor…oor Cursed hime-sama…

It’s sad…isn’t it?

Didn’t you know…?

You were cursed the second you were born.

Poor, Poor cursed hime-sama…

It’s sad…isn’t it?

Very sad…

You don’t believe in curses you say?

That’s sad…isn’t it?

You have the girl to save others…but not yourself…

But that isn’t your curse, no it is not.

What is your curse…you ask?

Well it’s this…never feel happiness.

Never feel love for another because if you do…that person will gain your curse as well…

The person who you fall in love with will be cursed forever even after they die; the curse will force the soul to be reborn…you and that person will be forced to be connected forever…

That is why…you will never find happiness…you will never be loved.

And so…you will always have one thing…

And that thing is…Loneness…

“What…that…?!” I started to ask.

“…there is still more if you wish to hear it…” Unohana told me; I slowly nodded.

What can you do…you ask?

Only one thing…

You must burden your heart…

You must never let anyone in…

It is the only way…you cursed hime…

What about having friends you ask?

Baka…cursed hime-sama…

Who would want to be…friends with a cursed hime-sama?

No one of course…

Be alone always…

Never have ones beside you…

Because if you do…

They will be killed…

…All because of you.

…It’s all your fault.

It’s sad…isn’t it?

You will have no reason to cry…

No reason to be sad…

Why you ask?

Because you never had anyone at your side to begin with…

Didn’t you know that?

You don’t need emotions…

You don’t need feelings…

But you knew that didn’t you?

Break…

You will break…

But it’s alright…

It’s alright…

Hide…hide away forever…

Within yourself…

Because there you will not hurt yourself…

Or any other person…

You cannot hurt anyone there or be hurt there…

But you know that right?

Broken…

Without your emotions that is how you will be…

No one will help you…

No one at all…

Because you cannot be saved…

“What the hell?” was all I could get out of my mouth.

“As I said it is a dark poem.” I felt my hands shaking at my sides.

Those words…they-they had pretty much told her to give up acting human at all.

Give up?

How….? Why?

I don’t understand.

“That is hime-sama curse. I don’t understand myself why it was placed on her. Or for what reason. It is…a mystery in its self.”

Wait…is this why she was blaming herself?

Because if you do…they will be killed…all because of you.

…no, that isn’t right!

I-I shouldn’t be saved. Because of me, you and Hinamori could have been…!

No…

That isn’t fair to her.

But…the reason she pushed me away was because of this…?

Because of the curse…?

Sa-san…

I slowly shook my head.

It’s not fair…

She was trying to protect me from this curse…wasn’t she?

“Her treatment is complete.” Unohana told me; I quickly looked toward her, “Alright…”

“Captain Hitsugaya…when she called out to you to stay she…she looked very lonely.”

I knew she was right; I had seen it as well.

“I know…” I whispered.

“That look…I haven’t seen it in her eyes, for a long time. The last time she looked that lonely…when I first met her. She was still young; and many people wouldn’t speak with her.” Unohana told me. “Why?” I asked.

“She hasn’t been in the soul society long after I met her. The rumor of her cruse was flying around so…she was feared.”

Feared…? I wondered.

I knew how that felt to be feared without doing anything wrong; you just…just feel powerless and helpless.

And…lonely.

Then…she changed a lot hasn’t she?

This world is lonely no matter who you are…lease remember that…

Yes…that’s right; it truly is lonely…

I slowly looked over to her, “She should wake up soon…will you stay until then, Captain Hitsugaya?” Unohana asked.

“Yes…”

“Alright…I’ll be just down the hall if I am needed.” Unohana told me.

“Alright…” Soon Unohana left the room.

It’s a very lonely place isn’t it…Sa-san…? I wondered.

Hime’s dream…

She stood there watching some shinigamis run by…

“Ah? Who was that girl?” someone asked.

“Didn’t you know? That’s the spirit hime-sama!”

“Wow really? She looks so young! I wonder what she’s like!”

“Does it matter? She’s a hime…why would she want anything to do with nobodies like, us?”

“Hai, your right.”

She slowly shook her head as she headed slowly toward the forest.

“It’s better to stay away from her. I hear she has a curse.”

“Wow! Really?! That’s scary…”

“Yeah, yeah! I heard that too!”

“Another reason, I have nothing to do with her right?”

“Right!”

It was always like that…day in day out…

“She thinks she too good for us!”

“T-That’s not…!” She cried.

“!? She can speak?!”

“Hurry run way before we catch her curse!!”

She would always be left alone. She wasn’t love. She was feared; she was hated.

She couldn’t make friends…she was lonely.

She was alone.

She sat under the world tree she shook her head. “…why do they always run? Why will they not speak to me?” She wondered staring up at the tree. “…its lonely here…I-I hate it…” Tears started to run down her face.

The world felt so lonely…

“Mother…Father…I-I…I’m no good…”

“Hime-sama?” A voice asked.

Hime slowly looked toward the voice to find Unohana Retsu-san standing there, “Retsu-san?” She asked. “What are you doing all the way out here?” She asked.

“…Resting.” She lied.

“Ah, I see.”

“…I wish to be left alone please…” She told Unohana. “Very well…excuse me then, hime-sama.” Unohana told her before leaving.

She could tell…she was lonely…

So lonely…

She needed friends...but she was feared by all the young shinigamis.

If things stay like this…her heart will close up; none will get in soon.

None.

Soon weeks when by and nothing was different; nothing at all.

But then one day…

She heard voices coming toward the world tree, “Rangiku-san, slow down!” A voice cry. “…aww come on! You’re on break! We don’t have time to slow down! The world tree just up this way! I want ya to see it!” Matsumoto voice yelled.

It sounded like two females as far as hime could tell…

Wait…should she hide? No, why should she hide to start with?

She wasn’t doing anything wrong. But…she felt nervous for some reason.

And the footsteps started to get closer; but before she could do anything…soon the two women stopped before her, “huh…who are you?” Matsumoto asked her.

“I…I…ummm…”

“Stop that, Rangiku-san! You’re scaring her!” Hinamori told her. “…hmm?” Matsumoto quickly looked her face over. “w-what…? She asked as her back touched the tree behind her.

“Oh my god…you’re so…”

“So…what?” Hime asked.

“You’re so cuteeeeeee!!” Matusmoto yelled quickly hugging her. “?!” Hime sat there being hugged in confusion. “So…so…so…cute!” Matsumoto cried.

“I…I think she gets it…rangiku-san…” Hinamori whispered to her friend. “Hmm…I guess.” Matusmoto slowly let go of the confused girl. “Sorry, about that…Rangiku-san.” Hinamori apologized.

“Hey! You make it sound like a bad thing!” She yelled. “I…I never said it was…” Hinamori told her. “Fine! Be like that!”

“Sorry…I didn’t catch your name.” Hinamori said looking toward Hime. “Umm…it’s Kaze Sara…Hime.” She told both of them.

Both girls looked shock toward her.

…no, will they run away too? She wondered.

“…you’re the spirit hime-sama?”

“…H-Hai.”

“Oh, my god! Your name is as cute as you are!” matsumoto yelled hugging her again.

W-What? She wondered.

“Ah! I know! You will be hime-chan!” Matsumoto told her.

“B-But…ms…uh…”

“Ah, ah! None of that crap! Rangiku-san you will call me!” Matsumoto told her. “But…I can’t …do that! I-I just met you!” She cried.

“You can and you will!”

“But!”

“No! You will got it H-I-M-E-C-H-A-N?” She asked.

“…H-Hai, Rangiku-san.”

“Ah! She called me rangiku-san! Sooo cute!” Matsumoto cried still hugging her; Hinamori smiled watching the two, “I’m Hinamori Momo, but you can call me, Momo if you wish, Sara-san.” Hinamori told her. “Are you sure, it’s alright?” hime asked.

“Of course, we are friends now right?”

“F-Friends?” She wondered.

She had never had any before…but those two wanted to be her friends; they would be friends with a cursed hime without a second thought.

They didn’t fear her; they didn’t hate her.

She felt welcomed and wanted around them; and her heart had finally opened up.

I watched her closely; she sure was taking her time to wake up, I thought as her eyes slowly opened. “Hime.” I called out to her; “Toushirou?” She asked in surprise. I smiled to her; she quickly blushed and turned her head away from me.

I sighed;

I wanted to say I understand why you did what you did. But would she be angry if I brought up the curse?

Yeah…most likely she would be. So I will not speak a word about the curse. I thought as I placed my hand on top of her. I saw the blush across her face deepen and a light blush covered my face; I started to open my mouth but quickly she pulled her hand away from mine.

I sighed again.

I know…your not just scared but lonely as well. But…you will not open up…will you? I wondered.

Maybe…I should just let her rest more…

Slowly I stood up and turned to leave but I felt her quickly take hold of my arm; I quickly looked back at her, “S-Stay…” She whispered to me. I quickly blushed at her. “lease…? Until I fall asleep…?” she asked.

I couldn’t really say no to that. “A-Alright…” I whispered to her as I sat down beside her bed.

Why did she have to look so cute…this weak?

“Lay down.” I ordered her and she did as she was told. She was shaking a bit under the blankets on the bed. “Are you cold?” I asked her. “Y-Yes…a little bit.” She told me; I took hold of her hand, “T-Toushirou?” She asked. I blushed at her hard, “uh…I…” I didn’t know what to say to her. She slowly smiled at me and started to cling onto me. “S-Sara!” I yelled. “Toushirou…feels warm.” She whispered to me; I smiled as I patted her head.

Cute…she just too cute likes this.

“Toushirou…? Will you always be by my side if I need you?” She asked. “Yes…” I told her. “Really?” She asked again. “Yes…of course I will.” I told her.

I stay with her for a long time it felt like; but somehow and I don’t know how this happened to start with; I got pulled into the bed she was resting in. But she was still clinging onto me. I lightly smiled at her. Why couldn’t she let me be this close when she was awake? I sigh; trying not to think about it; but it was hard not to. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay with her like this; as long as I could. “Baka…” I whispered to myself, I cussed at myself.

I am so stupid. She smells nice; I felt her dark hair touch my arm. Heat quickly took over my face again.

“Baka…” I cussed again. It…was nice. Just being there with here; but I knew far too well…when she does wake up she will push me away, but I wanted to be there; even if it was just for a moment.

I glared a bit hearing someone outside the door, “Matsumoto.” I growled. “Hai, Captain?” She asked outside the door. “Go away.” I ordered. “But, captain!” She cried. “NOW!” I ordered; I heard her quickly leave; but to be seen like this…was a bit embarrassing.

But this was nice. If only I could be like this…with her when she was awake; if only that…Baka. It would never happen; no matter how much I hoped for it.

“Sa-San…” I sighed resting my head against her; a name I haven’t called her for so long. But she would always be Sa-san to me. She has always been like a big sister to me; always looking out for me; always being there for me.

And I wanted to be there for her as well…Always.